Late Night Programing on the Outdoor Channel - Pornography for Gun Lovers

Well, it's late and I'm flipping through the tv dial and it's landed on the Outdoor Channel. Right now the show is called the American Rifleman and before that it was something called Guns and Ammo. Previously before these two was some other gun show. These shows are clearly the porn of gun lovers.

Now, before anyone tries to call me a gun hating, gun controlling, only the criminals should have guns liberal, let me make this clear: I like shooting guns. I grew up around guns and can guarantee that I probably own more guns than the average American. Rifles, shotguns, pistols - I got them all. And I have nothing against law abiding citizens owning guns, but do believe reasonable control is in order. Now, back to the gun porn shows.

After watching these three shows, it's obvious those that produce, film and write pornography are involved in the production of these shows. Yes, the production quality is that bad. It is clear the same folks that bring us hours and hours of porn are also responsible for these terribly produced shows. They must produce porn at night and gun shows during the day.

Here are some examples that prove these people make both types:

Cheesy Music: Both porn and gun shows have the same sort of cheesy music. It's some sort of instrumental stuff you'd probably expect in some Las Vegas wedding chapel that performs weddings after midnight. And you will never, ever find one friend that would claim to own any cd that contains this type of musical crap.

Old Men Trying to Act Young: My. I've never seen so many men with big guts wearing shirts three sizes too small, with huge guts hanging over pants two sizes too small. Then there are the hairstyles. Seventy year old men have dyed jet black hair with no male pattern baldness. Even their mustaches lack any gray whatsoever.

Terribly Outdated and Styled Clothing: Come on. What real hunter has his blue jean pants and denim shirts ironed and dry cleaned? Then these guys always try to dress macho that overemphasizes their self-perceived manliness.

Stroking, more stroking and even more stroking: Okay, children, look away here. On these shows, guns have clearly become some sort of pseudo-Viagra for men. These guys fawn and purr over guns like teen boys do over issues of Playboy and Penthouse. They just love to talk about length, distances, size and all sorts of other things while talking about penetration and stopping power. I think the dead animals some how have a subconscious Freudian link to the conquest of women.

Terrible Dialog: Ugh. Listening to these guys is almost too painful to bear. Who writes this junk? Oh, that's right, it's the same people who write the dialog for porn flicks.

Even the ads in between the segments are terrible and campy. One ad talked about being sure to get off enough rounds as quickly as possible to ensure one is safe from intruders. The funny thing about this ad was the main star was a woman about ninety years old. The ad showed her shooting a huge handgun at a indoor range and each time she pulled the trigger it almost knocked her right out of her walker. I think I even saw her wig bounce around and her dentures pop out.

Ooops......gotta go. The next show is Snipe Hunting in the Illinois River Bottoms....that looks real good......